Returns on Investment

I can't help but laugh at how inconvenient my timing for starting this blog was. I was going to write all about dating and sexing boys. Since I've started writing, my "love" life has shown a precipitous slow down in activity. I'm not really sure what happened. I just wrote about Joe which was a few weeks ago.

On Monday I met a sweet young man on the train who was kind of amazed by the reggae collection on my ipod. He was Jamaican and couldn't believe I had music by Burning Spear and Buju Banton. He was totally hot and asked me for my number. I just giggled and didn't give it to him.

Remember when I talked about my best fake birthday party yet? I ended the post saying that the DJ (we'll call him DJ) asked for my number. It was too awkward for me to not give it to him, as I'd been giving him a lot of attention because I was trying to get him to play the songs that I wanted. He's cute and a good dancer, but I am not really feeling him. To be fair, I don't think I'm really feeling anyone these days.

Lately, I think one problem with me is that I've been doing a little more sexual math than I used to. I've been thinking about, to quote my financier ex-boyfriend, my returns on investment. Like, do I really want to spend an evening with someone I don't care about on a date when all I really want to do is just go home and fuck and never see them again? I'm not always so crass about it, but it's so much work trying to get to know someone that you already know you don't really want to know.

Here I have a text conversation in which both DJ and I couldn't express less enthusiasm for going on a date:

Weds 8:40pm
DJ: Hey Cutty. It was cool meeting you yesterday at the bar

Thursday 10:30am
Me: Hey DJ. It was also cool meeting you!

Thursday 8:30pm
DJ: Sorry to respond so late. If you're up for a drink this weekend that'd be cool. What do you think?

Friday 9:30pm
Me: this weekend is not great for me, but I'd be game for next week. Do you have time?

Friday 9:33pm
DJ: That can work

Saturday 2:50pm
Me: I can do Wednesday or Thursday evening. Do either of these work?

Saturday 3:10pm
DJ: Thursday works.

Can you sense the unrestrained passion that is going on in this exchange? At this point, I feel like we're both committed, but neither of us really wants to go. I want to extricate myself from this, but at the same time, I believe, in my heart of hearts, that this will be so epically awkward and bad, that I can't help but want to go through with it. If you haven't guessed by now, I'll do pretty much anything that I think will make a good story. Now I just have to figure out how to respond to that overwhelming sense of desire he has conveyed.