I know I have been on a blog break for a little while. I've been a little bit on a break from everything, but I am back and I'm bringing sexy with me.
I wanted to write about some of the amazing things that have been said to me in the last couple of weeks. Since I made a Wu-Tang reference in the name of the post, I'll continue with that.
I was home visiting my family a couple of weekends ago and I was talking with my brother and my mom about martial arts when I said, "All I know about martial arts, I learned from the Wu-Tang". My mother, who has just turned 67, chimes in with, "Oh, yes! The Wu-Tang Gang"!
Other notable quotes from my nephew who is five and a half:
When asked if he remembered what it was like to fly on a plane told me, "Yeah, but mostly I remember that when the plane lands, it bothers my wiener".
He is growing out his hair and I asked him if lots of pretty girls ask if they can play with his hair. He said, "ummmmmmm, just my mom and you". Then he said, "you aren't girls: you're women!".
Another priceless moment was when my eight year old nephew and I were talking about how I'd be going to graduate school for social work(I was accepted at a fine New York City institution of education). He asked me what a social worker does. I started explaining to him that social workers help people who are having problems. If someone finds out they are really sick, or if there are problems at home, or any other time people are in crisis that's when social workers try to step in and help people deal. Then I was like, "Um, why would anyone want to do this"? Good thing I have already been accepted to the program.
My family is close with another family who has small children and their extended family. All of us went out together for Father's Day and I ended up sitting next to Granny. I had no idea, but apparently people don't want to sit next to Granny (no actual relation) because apparently she's "mean". I've never had that experience with her before. Boy, was I in for a surprise.
I ordered a bloody mary with my brunch (it was after 12 anyway), which is totally normal for me. My brother ordered a cocktail and so did Granny's grandson who is in his 30's. When my bloody mary came, Granny looked at it and smirked and asked me if it was tomato juice. I said that it was a drink. She smirked again, repeated that it was a drink and then loudly proclaimed, "Well, you must be used to drinking early in the morning." I started laughing hysterically and when people asked me why I was laughing so hard I explained. I pointed out to Granny that not only did I have a drink, but so did her grandson. She shrugged it off, and then her grandson pointed out that my brother had also ordered a cocktail. She said, "Well, naturally".
Monday, June 28, 2010
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Moving Day is Upon Us.
Here are my questions:
Do you think my movers would accept BJs in lieu of a tip?
If yes, how does one broach the topic?
Do you think my movers would accept BJs in lieu of a tip?
If yes, how does one broach the topic?
Monday, May 10, 2010
Happy Mother's Day to Me!
Recently, for medical reasons, got an IUD. IUDs, for those of you who don't know (Since I have such a huge audience), are Intrauterine devices and they look like this:
So it goes through the cervix and sits inside the uterus making the environment too inhospitable for eggs to implant.
I got the kind that has hormones in it. Let me stress that these are for women who have already had kids, ie their cervices have been stretched out by a baby coming out. So this is what happened when I went to get my IUD:
I show up at the doctor's office and am told that my insurance policy has been terminated and that I'll have to pay for the procedure out of pocket. I'm freaking out because I know that I still have insurance, and that I got a call two days previously approving it. I call my insurance company and realize that I just have a new policy number. Ok, that part is smoothed over.
I am the first patient of the day, so I am told to go back to exam room areas. I am weighed and blood pressured and then the nurse tells me that the doctor wants to talk to me before the procedure. (I am really nervous about this, by the way as I have been warned that it's a very unpleasant process. I'm pretty tough, so I'm like, "hey, I can handle this" except as the hours are ticking towards actually getting it shoved up in there, I'm starting to get a little anxious), so I find the idea that the doctor wants to talk to me reassuring.
I should point out that as I am sitting in the exam room waiting, and getting all the preliminary stuff done, I can hearing the doctor screaming profanity and yelling about different stuff. He doesn't seem to be directing it to anyone personally, but he seems really angry. So, I'm starting to get really scared that he's some kind of vagina butcher, not the mythical Vagina Whisperer.
So I get lead into his office and sit down. I say, "hi". He looks up at me and says "hi" back. "How are you?", I begin. He says, "What are you here for?" I say, "an IUD". He says, "Is there something you want to talk about?" and I say, "no, but we can if you want". He is quiet for a second and while still maintaining eye contact with me yells, "Nina! Why is my IUD in my office instead of getting prepped?!?". "Oh, shit", I think.
I am lead back to the exam room and told to undress. This is where I'm starting to get kind of freaked out. The nurse comes in and I ask her, "how badly is this going to hurt?". She says, "oh, there's going to be some pretty severe cramping". "ok", I think to myself, "I can handle this".
Then the doctor comes in. Now he's in patient mode and acts like the encounter we have just had hasn't happened, so I follow his lead. He's Mr. Affability and I'm starting to feel more reassured. I ask if I am going to cry. He tells me that he doubts it. I'm starting to feel pretty ok about this.
Then he opens up my cervix and I'm moaning and crying. Here is the best way I can explain what this feels like: if you've ever had a filling, then you know the feeling when they push the needle in with the Novocaine and it's burning and stinging and just hurting all at the same time. Imagine that on one of the most sensitive parts of your body. That's what it felt like.
I wish I was making this up, but then he drops the IUD on the floor while I'm all opened up and waiting for it, so the nurse has to go out and get another one. Then he put it in and I was sobbing. I said, "I guess that answers the question about whether or not I would cry". I felt like such a baby, and he said something about me being more sensitive than most other people (read: "you are a baby").
The part about this that I find most startling is this: I was concerned about getting an IUD since they are not supposed to be recommended for people with multiple sex partners as they can increase the risk of getting certain types of infections. So, I talked to a friend of mine who is in nursing school and asked her what she thought. She asked me how many sex partners I was planning on having in the next five years. I said that I thought a safe bet was that I wouldn't exceed 40. I know that sounds like a lot, but it's only eight a year. Don't be so judgemental. Anyway, the part that freaked me out was that I realized that nowhere in my calculations did it even occur to me that I might be in a monogamous relationship at some point in the next five years. That's a tad depressing.
So the update on this is that my first IUD came out and they put a new one in. That one has started to come out as well. Since it was just Mothers Day and all, I thought I should make the announcement that I'm the proud single mother of two pieces of plastic! Hoorah!
So it goes through the cervix and sits inside the uterus making the environment too inhospitable for eggs to implant.
I got the kind that has hormones in it. Let me stress that these are for women who have already had kids, ie their cervices have been stretched out by a baby coming out. So this is what happened when I went to get my IUD:
I show up at the doctor's office and am told that my insurance policy has been terminated and that I'll have to pay for the procedure out of pocket. I'm freaking out because I know that I still have insurance, and that I got a call two days previously approving it. I call my insurance company and realize that I just have a new policy number. Ok, that part is smoothed over.
I am the first patient of the day, so I am told to go back to exam room areas. I am weighed and blood pressured and then the nurse tells me that the doctor wants to talk to me before the procedure. (I am really nervous about this, by the way as I have been warned that it's a very unpleasant process. I'm pretty tough, so I'm like, "hey, I can handle this" except as the hours are ticking towards actually getting it shoved up in there, I'm starting to get a little anxious), so I find the idea that the doctor wants to talk to me reassuring.
I should point out that as I am sitting in the exam room waiting, and getting all the preliminary stuff done, I can hearing the doctor screaming profanity and yelling about different stuff. He doesn't seem to be directing it to anyone personally, but he seems really angry. So, I'm starting to get really scared that he's some kind of vagina butcher, not the mythical Vagina Whisperer.
So I get lead into his office and sit down. I say, "hi". He looks up at me and says "hi" back. "How are you?", I begin. He says, "What are you here for?" I say, "an IUD". He says, "Is there something you want to talk about?" and I say, "no, but we can if you want". He is quiet for a second and while still maintaining eye contact with me yells, "Nina! Why is my IUD in my office instead of getting prepped?!?". "Oh, shit", I think.
I am lead back to the exam room and told to undress. This is where I'm starting to get kind of freaked out. The nurse comes in and I ask her, "how badly is this going to hurt?". She says, "oh, there's going to be some pretty severe cramping". "ok", I think to myself, "I can handle this".
Then the doctor comes in. Now he's in patient mode and acts like the encounter we have just had hasn't happened, so I follow his lead. He's Mr. Affability and I'm starting to feel more reassured. I ask if I am going to cry. He tells me that he doubts it. I'm starting to feel pretty ok about this.
Then he opens up my cervix and I'm moaning and crying. Here is the best way I can explain what this feels like: if you've ever had a filling, then you know the feeling when they push the needle in with the Novocaine and it's burning and stinging and just hurting all at the same time. Imagine that on one of the most sensitive parts of your body. That's what it felt like.
I wish I was making this up, but then he drops the IUD on the floor while I'm all opened up and waiting for it, so the nurse has to go out and get another one. Then he put it in and I was sobbing. I said, "I guess that answers the question about whether or not I would cry". I felt like such a baby, and he said something about me being more sensitive than most other people (read: "you are a baby").
The part about this that I find most startling is this: I was concerned about getting an IUD since they are not supposed to be recommended for people with multiple sex partners as they can increase the risk of getting certain types of infections. So, I talked to a friend of mine who is in nursing school and asked her what she thought. She asked me how many sex partners I was planning on having in the next five years. I said that I thought a safe bet was that I wouldn't exceed 40. I know that sounds like a lot, but it's only eight a year. Don't be so judgemental. Anyway, the part that freaked me out was that I realized that nowhere in my calculations did it even occur to me that I might be in a monogamous relationship at some point in the next five years. That's a tad depressing.
So the update on this is that my first IUD came out and they put a new one in. That one has started to come out as well. Since it was just Mothers Day and all, I thought I should make the announcement that I'm the proud single mother of two pieces of plastic! Hoorah!
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Since you were all clamoring for more blog...
I am moving on Friday which is why there has been a conspicuous silence on the blog-front. I was walking home from the wine store with a huge bundle of boxes when a guy said, "you want some help with those, sweetheart?". I'm not even joking, this kid was in high school. I love that a kid in high school called me sweetheart. In fact, I just started laughing. He said, "I guess that's a no."
Thursday, April 22, 2010
R. Kelly Again or "Sex in the Kitchen".
With thanks to Marnie, who suggested this as my "theme song". Love you!
There are too many gems of lines in this song for me to point them out individually. I just posted the lyrics so that we can have a sing-a-long next time we all hang out.
This is from work this morning: cutting up tomatoes--alas no sex in the kitchen followed.
[R. Kelly - Talking]
Nah, look man enough is enough man
Y'all need to leave me alone, on the real
I mean can't y'all see I love y'all, damn
I mean no matter what y'all say or try to do to me, I'm gonna love you anyway
You know what I'm saying, what y'all need to do let me go on do this music, you know what I'm saying
I mean, what a gotta do, what I gotta do? Give y'all all my money, all my cars, my houses, my clothes, what?
I don't owe you nothing man Go get a God damn job dawg, shit, leave me alone get a job
You don't owe me nothing, I owe you nothing, you know what I'm saying
I am just trying to give y'all this music, make y'all feel good, you know what I'm saying
That's all I'm trying to do. Let me do that, let the R do that, will ya?
Mmm...
[Chorus:]
Sex in the kitchen nigga,(whoo! Yeah)
Over by the stove (ho!)
(Yeah, from the kitchen to the bathroom babe (uh)
From upstairs to the basement babe) (Kels!)
Put you on the counter (ho! Yeah)
By the buttered rolls (ho!)
(Yeah, now we hoppin' in the GT coup'
Goin' to the club, doin' what we do) (remix!)
Hands on the table (ho! Yeah)
On your tippy toes (ho!)
(Yeah, hey it's the weekend y'all (yeah, yeah, yeah)
So bounce real slow to this remix y'all)
Said the sign outside the door say the restaurant is closed
And we'll be cuttin' up tomatoes (whoo, yeah)
Fruits and vegetables and potatoes (yeah)
[Verse 1:]
Let's get together like a cookout baby
You bring the beer and I'ma bump some 'Sadie'
Hook up some of that chicken baby
And oh yeah, and don't forget the rice and gravy
It's about to be a party at my crib
Got Hennessee, juice and Belvedere
Got chicks in swimsuits up in here
No po, no haters, no tricks in here
Hey y'all, whassup, whassup
Got bounce juice in my cup
Mama makin' [ass] jump up
Sh**t she don't get no f**k
Ain't gotta worry 'bout complainin' ass neighbours
'Cause your boy is sittin' on some acres
Dip low in the SLR (whoo!)
Come and take a ride in my super car
Scattered linen when you rollin' with a player
Shoppin' sprees when you rollin' with a player
At that bar when you rollin' with a player
Big chips when you rollin' with a player
The party's almost over
So baby tell me what you gon' do
Open that door, put them out
Close that door, me and you
[Chorus:]
Sex in the kitchen (whoo! Yeah)
Over by the stove (ho!)
(Yeah, from the kitchen to the bathroom babe (uh)
>From upstairs to the basement babe) (Kels!)
Put you on the counter (ho! Yeah)
By the buttered rolls (ho!)
(Yeah, now we hoppin' in the GT coup'
Goin' to the club, doin' what we do) (remix!)
Hands on the table (ho! Yeah)
On your tippy toes (ho!)
(Yeah, hey it's the weekend y'all (yeah, yeah, yeah)
So bounce real slow to this remix y'all)
Said the sign outside the door say the restaurant is closed
And we'll be cuttin' up tomatoes (whoo, yeah)
Fruits and vegetables and potatoes (yeah)
[Verse 2:]
Got the whirl pool bubblin' up
Got two fine chicks tryna double 'em up (uh)
Got top so I'm shakin' it up (uh)
When it come to the [#%&@] I just can't get enough (oh!)
This party looks like a club
You see in my eyes and I'm buzzed
I've been drinkin' twenty four hours
So fucked up you know a nigga need a shower
I pull up in the wide body (ho)
You know a nigga know somebody (ho)
And e'rbody in here know me (ho)
And somebody knows somebody (ho)
Look at my wrists ain't I so damn freeze? (Yo)
Look at my clothes ain't I so damn clean? (Yo)
Look at the bar ain't I so damn sheen? (Yo)
Look at my style I am so damn me (oh)
I got a song out doin' good
Nigga goin' platinum 'cause I kept it hood
I hear the crowd over here goin' (ho!)
I hear the crowd over there goin' (ho!)
That's why I get to show 'em this life
Turned it out and now I'm ready to fly
And now I'm on my way to the after party
'Til six in the mornin' I'ma be naughty
Put this CD in your Jeep (put this CD in your Jeep)
Play it 'til it cracks the CD
Some of y'all be doubtin' me (hey, hey, hey, hey)
But I can do this in my sleep
[Chorus:]
Sex in the kitchen (whoo! Yeah)
Over by the stove (ho!)
(Yeah, from the kitchen to the bathroom babe (uh)
>From upstairs to the basement babe) (Kels!)
Put you on the counter (ho! Yeah)
By the buttered rolls (ho!)
(Yeah, now we hoppin' in the GT coup'
Goin' to the club, doin' what we do) (remix!)
Hands on the table (ho! Yeah)
On your tippy toes (ho!)
(Yeah, hey it's the weekend y'all (yeah, yeah, yeah)
So bounce real slow to this remix y'all)
Said the sign outside the door say the restaurant is closed
And we'll be cuttin' up tomatoes (whoo, yeah)
Fruits and vegetables and potatoes (yeah)
[Bridge:]
Here we are, in this kitchen, kitchen
Sexin' each other from feet to head
Now, some folks may raise the question
"Why can't they just get a bed?"
Yeah, there ain't nothin' wrong
With us in the kitchen gettin' it on, no
Girl, it's like five hundred degrees and here we are
By the cabinet do's, by the stove
Hot buttered rolls on your tippy-toes
[Chorus:] [2x]
Sex in the kitchen (whoo! Yeah)
Over by the stove (ho!)
(Yeah, from the kitchen to the bathroom babe (uh)
>From upstairs to the basement babe) (Kels!)
Put you on the counter (ho! Yeah)
By the buttered rolls (ho!)
(Yeah, now we hoppin' in the GT coup'
Goin' to the club, doin' what we do) (remix!)
Hands on the table (ho! Yeah)
On your tippy toes (ho!)
(Yeah, hey it's the weekend y'all (yeah, yeah, yeah)
So bounce real slow to this remix y'all)
Said the sign outside the door say the restaurant is closed
And we'll be cuttin' up tomatoes (whoo, yeah)
Fruits and vegetables and potatoes (yeah)
[Fade Out]
I'm also pleased to find out that Joe and I weren't the only ones who think that R. Kelly is kind of an idiot savant though Aziz Ansari doesn't use that phrase. He says that he's a "brilliant R&B singer/craaaaazy person". Behold:
There are too many gems of lines in this song for me to point them out individually. I just posted the lyrics so that we can have a sing-a-long next time we all hang out.
This is from work this morning: cutting up tomatoes--alas no sex in the kitchen followed.
[R. Kelly - Talking]
Nah, look man enough is enough man
Y'all need to leave me alone, on the real
I mean can't y'all see I love y'all, damn
I mean no matter what y'all say or try to do to me, I'm gonna love you anyway
You know what I'm saying, what y'all need to do let me go on do this music, you know what I'm saying
I mean, what a gotta do, what I gotta do? Give y'all all my money, all my cars, my houses, my clothes, what?
I don't owe you nothing man Go get a God damn job dawg, shit, leave me alone get a job
You don't owe me nothing, I owe you nothing, you know what I'm saying
I am just trying to give y'all this music, make y'all feel good, you know what I'm saying
That's all I'm trying to do. Let me do that, let the R do that, will ya?
Mmm...
[Chorus:]
Sex in the kitchen nigga,(whoo! Yeah)
Over by the stove (ho!)
(Yeah, from the kitchen to the bathroom babe (uh)
From upstairs to the basement babe) (Kels!)
Put you on the counter (ho! Yeah)
By the buttered rolls (ho!)
(Yeah, now we hoppin' in the GT coup'
Goin' to the club, doin' what we do) (remix!)
Hands on the table (ho! Yeah)
On your tippy toes (ho!)
(Yeah, hey it's the weekend y'all (yeah, yeah, yeah)
So bounce real slow to this remix y'all)
Said the sign outside the door say the restaurant is closed
And we'll be cuttin' up tomatoes (whoo, yeah)
Fruits and vegetables and potatoes (yeah)
[Verse 1:]
Let's get together like a cookout baby
You bring the beer and I'ma bump some 'Sadie'
Hook up some of that chicken baby
And oh yeah, and don't forget the rice and gravy
It's about to be a party at my crib
Got Hennessee, juice and Belvedere
Got chicks in swimsuits up in here
No po, no haters, no tricks in here
Hey y'all, whassup, whassup
Got bounce juice in my cup
Mama makin' [ass] jump up
Sh**t she don't get no f**k
Ain't gotta worry 'bout complainin' ass neighbours
'Cause your boy is sittin' on some acres
Dip low in the SLR (whoo!)
Come and take a ride in my super car
Scattered linen when you rollin' with a player
Shoppin' sprees when you rollin' with a player
At that bar when you rollin' with a player
Big chips when you rollin' with a player
The party's almost over
So baby tell me what you gon' do
Open that door, put them out
Close that door, me and you
[Chorus:]
Sex in the kitchen (whoo! Yeah)
Over by the stove (ho!)
(Yeah, from the kitchen to the bathroom babe (uh)
>From upstairs to the basement babe) (Kels!)
Put you on the counter (ho! Yeah)
By the buttered rolls (ho!)
(Yeah, now we hoppin' in the GT coup'
Goin' to the club, doin' what we do) (remix!)
Hands on the table (ho! Yeah)
On your tippy toes (ho!)
(Yeah, hey it's the weekend y'all (yeah, yeah, yeah)
So bounce real slow to this remix y'all)
Said the sign outside the door say the restaurant is closed
And we'll be cuttin' up tomatoes (whoo, yeah)
Fruits and vegetables and potatoes (yeah)
[Verse 2:]
Got the whirl pool bubblin' up
Got two fine chicks tryna double 'em up (uh)
Got top so I'm shakin' it up (uh)
When it come to the [#%&@] I just can't get enough (oh!)
This party looks like a club
You see in my eyes and I'm buzzed
I've been drinkin' twenty four hours
So fucked up you know a nigga need a shower
I pull up in the wide body (ho)
You know a nigga know somebody (ho)
And e'rbody in here know me (ho)
And somebody knows somebody (ho)
Look at my wrists ain't I so damn freeze? (Yo)
Look at my clothes ain't I so damn clean? (Yo)
Look at the bar ain't I so damn sheen? (Yo)
Look at my style I am so damn me (oh)
I got a song out doin' good
Nigga goin' platinum 'cause I kept it hood
I hear the crowd over here goin' (ho!)
I hear the crowd over there goin' (ho!)
That's why I get to show 'em this life
Turned it out and now I'm ready to fly
And now I'm on my way to the after party
'Til six in the mornin' I'ma be naughty
Put this CD in your Jeep (put this CD in your Jeep)
Play it 'til it cracks the CD
Some of y'all be doubtin' me (hey, hey, hey, hey)
But I can do this in my sleep
[Chorus:]
Sex in the kitchen (whoo! Yeah)
Over by the stove (ho!)
(Yeah, from the kitchen to the bathroom babe (uh)
>From upstairs to the basement babe) (Kels!)
Put you on the counter (ho! Yeah)
By the buttered rolls (ho!)
(Yeah, now we hoppin' in the GT coup'
Goin' to the club, doin' what we do) (remix!)
Hands on the table (ho! Yeah)
On your tippy toes (ho!)
(Yeah, hey it's the weekend y'all (yeah, yeah, yeah)
So bounce real slow to this remix y'all)
Said the sign outside the door say the restaurant is closed
And we'll be cuttin' up tomatoes (whoo, yeah)
Fruits and vegetables and potatoes (yeah)
[Bridge:]
Here we are, in this kitchen, kitchen
Sexin' each other from feet to head
Now, some folks may raise the question
"Why can't they just get a bed?"
Yeah, there ain't nothin' wrong
With us in the kitchen gettin' it on, no
Girl, it's like five hundred degrees and here we are
By the cabinet do's, by the stove
Hot buttered rolls on your tippy-toes
[Chorus:] [2x]
Sex in the kitchen (whoo! Yeah)
Over by the stove (ho!)
(Yeah, from the kitchen to the bathroom babe (uh)
>From upstairs to the basement babe) (Kels!)
Put you on the counter (ho! Yeah)
By the buttered rolls (ho!)
(Yeah, now we hoppin' in the GT coup'
Goin' to the club, doin' what we do) (remix!)
Hands on the table (ho! Yeah)
On your tippy toes (ho!)
(Yeah, hey it's the weekend y'all (yeah, yeah, yeah)
So bounce real slow to this remix y'all)
Said the sign outside the door say the restaurant is closed
And we'll be cuttin' up tomatoes (whoo, yeah)
Fruits and vegetables and potatoes (yeah)
[Fade Out]
I'm also pleased to find out that Joe and I weren't the only ones who think that R. Kelly is kind of an idiot savant though Aziz Ansari doesn't use that phrase. He says that he's a "brilliant R&B singer/craaaaazy person". Behold:
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Moonlight and Moonshine
This weekend I went to a loft party in Bushwick where the residents were selling moonshine (which Lola called "giddy juice") and home-brewed beer. There were bands, there was smoking of marijuana, there was drinking, there was some dancing, and I'm sure there was some hooking up. I didn't smoke and I didn't hook up with anyone, though I did tell Marnie that if she didn't get laid that night that I was going to lay her myself. Thankfully, someone took the pressure off of me-more to come on that.
I also danced. If there's music, I'm going to try to dance to it.
Lola, Mack, Marnie, and Marnie's friend Jeannie were all at the party too. Besides for being surrounded by my lovely friends here are several highlights of the evening:
The home-brews included a wonderfully flavored Pecan nut ale, a walnut ale, and an oatmeal stout. All were quite flavorful, but I preferred the Pecan ale to the rest. It was rich and, not surprisingly, nutty, if somewhat flat. The flavor on it was so clear that my first thought was of bars that don't change their lines often enough and how different this was. The moonshine, though. Wowza. I only tried one flavor which was the Honey Whiskey. I didn't drink it straight, but rather mixed with lemonade. It was great. It made me giggle and dance.
There was a point where I found a neon green feather boa and forced Marnie to sing "Bad Romance" while I made her dance with me and the boa. Then I tried to tell everyone it was my birthday again. Lola and Marnie weren't going to let people fall for that again.
Soon after I walked in the door at the beginning of the night, a young man walked in. He was cute. He looked familiar. I smiled at him, and he said hi to me. I don't remember who said to whom that the other looked familiar, but one of us did. So, then we figured out where it was from. Apparently, I had met this gentleman a few weeks earlier at a show in the bathroom line. I've been told this is a great time/place to pick people up. Well, not when you've just come back on a 6am flight, went out the night before the flight, and then didn't get to sleep all day.
I don't remember all the details of our meeting, but I guess he was waiting in line to go to the bathroom and I really had to go as well. He told me that he really had to go, but that he would be quick. I, cheerful as ever, asked if I could punch him if he wasn't quick. He agreed. He wasn't quick, but I didn't punch him. This is how we met.
(This is unrelated to Moonlight and Moonshine, but that same night that I met Mr. Punch, I also met another guy in the bathroom line. He moseyed up and I told him that I was in line. He said, "oh, don't worry, I wasn't going to cut you".
"Good", I said, "Because, I'd cut you". He said, "you don't mean in line, do you?". I can be so charming)
By the time Lola and I graduated to the moonshine, we were laughing our asses off. We were just having a good time. As Lola summed up the evening, "it was good energy". There was also a member of one of the bands who had a Cosmo Kramer (from Seinfeld) hairdo that had us in hysterics.
Marnie was dancing around with a bunch of boys (this, I believe is where the seeds were planted for the pressure being taken off of me to "do" her), including my intended punching victim. It was time for me to go dance. I walked over to where she was completely surrounded by four boys and I said, "Shit, I feel like i just walked into a gangbang", laughed and then sat down and told Lola. She said, "I would have thought that would be your scene". No comment, Lola.
Towards the end of the night, Lola, Marnie and I were huddled in a little circle laughing about how much fun we were having. Then there was a declaration that we all had fabulous tatas made by...us.
We ended up staying out til late. I got a ride home, but the car was packed. I don't want to complain because rides home in NYC are rarer than snowballs in hell. I ended up sitting shotgun with a 50 pound bag of dog food in the front. If the measure of the quality of a night is commensurate with the level of dog food smell coming from between one's legs, I'd say this night was a winner.
I also danced. If there's music, I'm going to try to dance to it.
Lola, Mack, Marnie, and Marnie's friend Jeannie were all at the party too. Besides for being surrounded by my lovely friends here are several highlights of the evening:
The home-brews included a wonderfully flavored Pecan nut ale, a walnut ale, and an oatmeal stout. All were quite flavorful, but I preferred the Pecan ale to the rest. It was rich and, not surprisingly, nutty, if somewhat flat. The flavor on it was so clear that my first thought was of bars that don't change their lines often enough and how different this was. The moonshine, though. Wowza. I only tried one flavor which was the Honey Whiskey. I didn't drink it straight, but rather mixed with lemonade. It was great. It made me giggle and dance.
There was a point where I found a neon green feather boa and forced Marnie to sing "Bad Romance" while I made her dance with me and the boa. Then I tried to tell everyone it was my birthday again. Lola and Marnie weren't going to let people fall for that again.
Soon after I walked in the door at the beginning of the night, a young man walked in. He was cute. He looked familiar. I smiled at him, and he said hi to me. I don't remember who said to whom that the other looked familiar, but one of us did. So, then we figured out where it was from. Apparently, I had met this gentleman a few weeks earlier at a show in the bathroom line. I've been told this is a great time/place to pick people up. Well, not when you've just come back on a 6am flight, went out the night before the flight, and then didn't get to sleep all day.
I don't remember all the details of our meeting, but I guess he was waiting in line to go to the bathroom and I really had to go as well. He told me that he really had to go, but that he would be quick. I, cheerful as ever, asked if I could punch him if he wasn't quick. He agreed. He wasn't quick, but I didn't punch him. This is how we met.
(This is unrelated to Moonlight and Moonshine, but that same night that I met Mr. Punch, I also met another guy in the bathroom line. He moseyed up and I told him that I was in line. He said, "oh, don't worry, I wasn't going to cut you".
"Good", I said, "Because, I'd cut you". He said, "you don't mean in line, do you?". I can be so charming)
By the time Lola and I graduated to the moonshine, we were laughing our asses off. We were just having a good time. As Lola summed up the evening, "it was good energy". There was also a member of one of the bands who had a Cosmo Kramer (from Seinfeld) hairdo that had us in hysterics.
Marnie was dancing around with a bunch of boys (this, I believe is where the seeds were planted for the pressure being taken off of me to "do" her), including my intended punching victim. It was time for me to go dance. I walked over to where she was completely surrounded by four boys and I said, "Shit, I feel like i just walked into a gangbang", laughed and then sat down and told Lola. She said, "I would have thought that would be your scene". No comment, Lola.
Towards the end of the night, Lola, Marnie and I were huddled in a little circle laughing about how much fun we were having. Then there was a declaration that we all had fabulous tatas made by...us.
We ended up staying out til late. I got a ride home, but the car was packed. I don't want to complain because rides home in NYC are rarer than snowballs in hell. I ended up sitting shotgun with a 50 pound bag of dog food in the front. If the measure of the quality of a night is commensurate with the level of dog food smell coming from between one's legs, I'd say this night was a winner.
Sunday, April 18, 2010
Sunday Styles
So, I recently went to a birthday party. After that, I was supposed to go to an after party for a theater project that Lola worked on, but was totally wiped out from the previous night. I had some weird encounters at the birthday party (what can I say, most people are weird!), but overall it was a good time. I have a hard time complaining when I've been plied with wine and delicious, ultra-fattening foods. There was delicious pate, wonderful bread, a seemingly unending selection of cheeses, deliciously salty cured swine,and my personal favorite--cornichons. I guess if I were really writing this for foodies (though, arguably, I'm writing this almost exclusively for myself), I would list the kinds of cheeses that were served.
The hostess and birthday lady works in the food industry, as did some of her guests, and yours truly. I spend a good amount of time at the party railing against this guy that I met earlier this week. He was a self-declared "foodie".
Tangent:
I have to say, and I'm sorry to whosoever reads this and uses that word--it's not personal--I hate that term. It makes my skin crawl. I would so much prefer the terms "epicure" or "gourmand". Foodie, to me, is a term that people apply to themselves, and anyone can claim that s/he is one. What bothers me isn't even that one has to back it up or prove it (but people who are "foodies, always seem to try and prove it), but it's such a bizarre term. It's too cutesy.
In Senegal there is a descriptor for people like me: buggna lekk. It literally means, "someone who likes to eat". Fuck yes. I am a fan of getting down and dirty with stuff (in general), so in this case, I don't want any diminutive language; I want to talk dirty to and about my food.
If I love you though, and you use the term foodie, forget about all the stuff I just wrote.
End of tangent.
So I met this guy and he wouldn't shut up about food. And yes he was knowledgeable. But he was so cocky and was out to "outfood" everyone. Jane said it was because he was so passionate and that she respected that in him. It didn't even feel like he enjoyed experiencing food, just talking about random food shit in a really pedantic way. It was a turn off.
After suffering through hours of this while drinking (which always lowers my already low tolerance for people who are acting stupidly), I thought I was actually being somewhat gracious. But then this guy starts talking about how refined his taste is, but how his friend would just eat at McDonald's. Finally, after really not engaging with him (he barely paused for breath, so it wasn't much of an option) about food or about anything, I mentioned that Anthony Bourdain said that he loves McDonald's in Kitchen Confidential.
This guy started mentally assaulting me to find out just why Anthony Bourdain likes McDonald. He wouldn't let it go. I just kept telling him to read the book and that I didn't remember why (I read the book in 2002), but he just kept badgering me and wouldn't leave it alone. "Why?!? There must be a reason! Why does Anthony Bourdain like McDonald's?!?!". I'm not sure I can convey in type how I was feeling, but after that exchange, I walked outside and told my friend that I wanted to punch him in the face. Obviously, it wasn't just the way he talked about food. It was his whole deal. Sometimes, some people need to get punched in the face.
Sometimes I also could use a punch in the face (figuratively, of course). I wanted to say that in my previous post, I was very dismissive of DJ. It appears we will be going on a date on Thursday. I am not very excited about it, but rather than convince myself that it will be epically bad, I'm willing to be a little more open-minded about it. He seems like a nice, if somewhat awkward guy. It'll be fine. I hope.
The hostess and birthday lady works in the food industry, as did some of her guests, and yours truly. I spend a good amount of time at the party railing against this guy that I met earlier this week. He was a self-declared "foodie".
Tangent:
I have to say, and I'm sorry to whosoever reads this and uses that word--it's not personal--I hate that term. It makes my skin crawl. I would so much prefer the terms "epicure" or "gourmand". Foodie, to me, is a term that people apply to themselves, and anyone can claim that s/he is one. What bothers me isn't even that one has to back it up or prove it (but people who are "foodies, always seem to try and prove it), but it's such a bizarre term. It's too cutesy.
In Senegal there is a descriptor for people like me: buggna lekk. It literally means, "someone who likes to eat". Fuck yes. I am a fan of getting down and dirty with stuff (in general), so in this case, I don't want any diminutive language; I want to talk dirty to and about my food.
If I love you though, and you use the term foodie, forget about all the stuff I just wrote.
End of tangent.
So I met this guy and he wouldn't shut up about food. And yes he was knowledgeable. But he was so cocky and was out to "outfood" everyone. Jane said it was because he was so passionate and that she respected that in him. It didn't even feel like he enjoyed experiencing food, just talking about random food shit in a really pedantic way. It was a turn off.
After suffering through hours of this while drinking (which always lowers my already low tolerance for people who are acting stupidly), I thought I was actually being somewhat gracious. But then this guy starts talking about how refined his taste is, but how his friend would just eat at McDonald's. Finally, after really not engaging with him (he barely paused for breath, so it wasn't much of an option) about food or about anything, I mentioned that Anthony Bourdain said that he loves McDonald's in Kitchen Confidential.
This guy started mentally assaulting me to find out just why Anthony Bourdain likes McDonald. He wouldn't let it go. I just kept telling him to read the book and that I didn't remember why (I read the book in 2002), but he just kept badgering me and wouldn't leave it alone. "Why?!? There must be a reason! Why does Anthony Bourdain like McDonald's?!?!". I'm not sure I can convey in type how I was feeling, but after that exchange, I walked outside and told my friend that I wanted to punch him in the face. Obviously, it wasn't just the way he talked about food. It was his whole deal. Sometimes, some people need to get punched in the face.
Sometimes I also could use a punch in the face (figuratively, of course). I wanted to say that in my previous post, I was very dismissive of DJ. It appears we will be going on a date on Thursday. I am not very excited about it, but rather than convince myself that it will be epically bad, I'm willing to be a little more open-minded about it. He seems like a nice, if somewhat awkward guy. It'll be fine. I hope.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
